Self-Development / Self-Improvement

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Children - How to decide whether to have them

Things that people point to as reasons why they regret having children

No support system / help from family

  • “My mother only offers to help when it's convenient for her. My dad is also blue collar so him helping is hit or miss (he's been the most hand on the entire time). My wifes parents divorced due to her dad's serial cheating, he wasn't involved much anyways. Her mom also works but isn't very hands on, she uses the trope "I've done my time, Its your turn. (WTF?!?!) (…) Nobody cares until it affects them. Nobody in our family is interested helping us with our kids at all. My wife and I are literally doing it ALONE!!! (…) We didn't have kids on the basis that we would receive help. We are simply lamenting the fact that our would-be support system is non-existent (at best). Our extended family has decayed into this toxic mess that consists of poor health, alcoholism, low emotional intelligence, and a whole host of other stuff I won't get into.” (source)

Grandparents feel FOMO and indicate interest in having grandchildren but then don’t help much
  • “Too many times grandparents want to be able to post on Facebook and talk about grandkids as a topic of discussion with their friends and family. It's a status symbol for them. Nothing more. Grandparents experience FOMO by their friends who always talk about grandkids because they have absolutely nothing else going on in their lives. Thus why they pressure their kids to have kids. I knew before my mother even started pressuring me that she would never be a good grandmother. She doesn't want to play at a kids level with kids. She wants her social life and freedom. She doesn't want to listen to what the parent wants (my sisters ended up having kids that she 'helps' with because they can't afford childcare). She doesn't want to teach kids anything and I don't blame her. She essentially is a babysitter. Not a nanny. Even then she doesn't want to be stuck there 5 days a week+.” (source)

  • “never trust a grandparent to be actually a helper they tend to lie because they are excited to have a grand kid” (source)

Remarried and stepparents don’t help with grandchildren that aren’t theirs
  • “My husbands family don't bother with us, only my stepson who gets whatever he wants.... which has caused many rifts.” (source)