How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Like "the Monk and the Riddle", this is a book that I misjudged by the title. at first glance i thought, "ugh, i don't want to read this, it's all about how to manipulate people and look at people like they're robots."

once i actually read the book, though, i was amazed at the good ideas and great stories in it. the purpose of the book is to make your life and the lives of the people around you more pleasant; the way it tries to do this is to suggest certain guiding principles to follow when dealing with people. it's basically a more-sophisticated ten commandments; the ten commandments say "don't kill other people and your life will be better", while carnegie says "don't forget people's names and your life will be better".

i'm a HUGE fan of the format of this book; it is very well-organized, with each short chapter focused on a single easy-to-understand lesson and the entire chapter consisting of short anecdotes that help reinforce the importance of following that lesson. the anecdotes are all very interesting stories, and often involve famous and successful people (so it makes you sit up and take notice). this is the best way i've seen to convey guiding principles to people, and i judge similarly-themed books by how close they stick to this model (e.g. Good to Great, Lessons in Disaster). i also really like the simple, easy-to-follow language and clear enthusiasm the author has for what he's talking about; there's no intellectual showboating.

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Contents:
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Part One - Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two - Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important--and do it sincerely.

Part Three - How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Part Four - Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.