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Negotiating with people from different cultures

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Exploding Offers

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Table of Contents

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Negotiating with people from different cultures


 

Exploding Offers



Sam Altman (YC) - Exploding Offers Suck
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8285994
http://blog.ycombinator.com/exploding-offers-suck

...

  • Quora - Why are some people better negotiators than others?
  • ~1600 - Francis Bacon - Of Negotiating
    • Here's what he said broken into separated lines:
      • It is generally better to deal by speech than by letter; and by the mediation of a third than by a man’s self.
      • Letters are good, when a man would draw an answer by letter back again; or when it may serve for a man’s justification afterwards to produce his own letter; or where it may be danger to be interrupted, or heard by pieces.
      • To deal in person is good, when a man’s face breedeth regard, as commonly with inferiors; or in tender cases, where a man’s eye upon the countenance of him with whom he speaketh may give him a direction how far to go; and generally, where a man will reserve to himself liberty either to disavow or to expound.
        • NW: The classic example of the first case ("when a man's face breedeth regard") is LBJ intimidating people by leaning over them.
      • In choice of instruments, it is better to choose men of a plainer sort, that are like to do that that is committed to them, and to report back again faithfully the success, than those that are cunning to contrive out of other men’s business somewhat to grace themselves, and will help the matter in report for satisfaction’ sake.
      • Use also such persons as affect [enjoy] the business wherein they are employed; for that quickeneth much; and such as are fit for the matter; as bold men for expostulation, fair-spoken men for persuasion, crafty men for inquiry and observation, froward [stubborn] and absurd [stupid] men for business that doth not well bear out [justify] itself.
      • Use also such as have been lucky, and prevailed before in things wherein you have employed them; for that breeds confidence, and they will strive to maintain their prescription.
      • It is better to sound a person with whom one deals afar off, than to fall upon the point at first; except you mean to surprise him by some short question.
      • It is better dealing with men in appetite, than with those that are where they would be.
      • If a man deal with another upon conditions, the start or first performance is all; which a man cannot reasonably demand, except either the nature of the thing be such, which must go before; or else a man can persuade the other party that he shall still need him in some other thing; or else that he be counted the honester man.
      • All practice [scheming] is to discover [reveal / do recon], or to work [manage / make use of / take advantage of recon].
      • Men discover themselves in trust, in passion, at unawares, and of necessity, when they would have somewhat done and cannot find an apt pretext.
        • NW: I don't understand this. I'm guessing "discover themselves" means "tell the truth" or "reveal some truth about themselves". I don't what he means by "would have somewhat done".
      • If you would work any man, you must either know his nature and fashions, and so lead him; or his ends, and so persuade him; or his weakness and disadvantages, and so awe him; or those that have interest in him, and so govern him.
      • In dealing with cunning persons, we must ever consider their ends, to interpret their speeches; and it is good to say little to them, and that which they least look for.
      • In all negotiations of difficulty, a man may not look to sow and reap at once; but must prepare business, and so ripen it by degrees.
  • Quora - Why are some people better negotiators than others?

      ...

       

      Quote:

      ...

        • Yishan Wong:
          I'm not a great negotiator myself, but this is what I observed from carefully watching the best negotiator I've ever known:

          Most "okay" negotiators are simply good at talking a lot. I've observed this in a lot of BD people. They just talk to fill the empty air, and by doing so they blot out your mind from thinking critically and manage to get you to agree with them that way. Some of them may be charismatic, and apparently research shows that charisma can help shut off the parts of a brain responsible for skepticism and vigilance (see http://www.newscientist.com/arti...), so maybe they exploit this.

          However, the best negotiator that I've known (and this guy was better than all the others, by a long shot) operated completely differently. When you met with him, he really didn't talk much. He would just ask you questions about what you wanted and listen really carefully. He would then follow up with more questions trying to get at how you felt about different possibilities or formulations of what you'd just told him. People like to talk about what they want and how they feel about it, so they will tend to go on about things if you let them, and he would just let them do that, all the while listening really carefully. By doing this, he'd gain this unusually detailed understanding about their core motivations and what they personally wanted, specifically, from a potential deal or in general (like, from life) as well as their disposition towards how offers would ideally be presented. He would then sort of go away for awhile and figure out how to structure the right deal given the resources/abilities at his (or his company's) disposal, and then present them with a deal. He didn't seem to need to "talk them into it" very much, the key seemed to be all about carefully using his data to get into their heads to find out what kind of deal would be most appealing to them.

          I personally had the experience of being interrogated (gently) by him once when I first met him, which I considered a non-threatening enough experience, and then later to have worked with him on the same side where he remarked on some of these things and I got to observe him in action. Later I put it all together and realized what he was doing with me the first time we met. I think what's most interesting to me is that he was so different from all the other guys and (I think as a result) far more effective.

          It also gives me hope, personally, that I can become a better negotiator, because I'm not really one of those endlessly blathering individuals (I can talk good, but not forever), but I am reasonably good when it comes to listening carefully.


      Props

      ...


       
        • MSCO.com
       
        • and the author of a biography called "King Icahn," who lived near Icahn and played tennis and vacationed with him, recounts a meeting between TWA executives and Icahn.  Icahn had an egg in his pocket, and he took it out and held it extended in his hand, Stevens said. "He points to his hand, and he says, 'This is me.' And then he points to the egg and says, 'This is you. So you decide in our negotiation right now whether I squeeze you,'" Stevens recalled.


      Books

      Getting to Yes

      • Summary
        • There's a summary of Getting to Yes in the book "Never Split the Difference":

          "Fisher and Ury's approach was basically to systematize problem solving so that negotiating parties could reach a mutually beneficial deal–the getting to 'Yes' in the title. Their core assumption was that the emotional brain–that animalistic, unreliable, and irrational beast–could be overcome through a more rational, joint problem-solving mindset.

          Their system was easy to follow and seductive, with four basic tenets. One, separate the person–the emotion–from the problem; two, don't get wrapped up in the other side's position (what they're asking for) but instead focus on their interests (why they're asking for it) so that you can find what they really want; three, work cooperatively to generate win-win options; and, four, establish mutually agreed-upon standards for evaluating those possible solutions."

      Never Split the Difference

      • recommended to me by Tucker Connelly: "The biggest thing that helped me get my rate up was the book, Never Split the Difference, recommended to me by my fiancée"
      • It's written by a former top FBI negotiator who has now opened his own negotiation consulting firm.

      The new rules

      • Summary: He gives two anecdotes of him out-negotiating Harvard negotiators (one time it was professors, another time it was students) to demonstrate that the FBI's emotion-manipulation approach to negotiation is superior to the academic, intellectual, "Getting to Yes" approach.  He then relates how the FBI came to develop its negotiating capability after several disastrous hostage / stand-off situations, and that they had to transition from a Getting to Yes approach to the emotional approach because the intellectual approach wasn't working in hostage situations.  He briefly argues that learning this approach will help you in your everyday life.  He then gives a summary of what each chapter of the books discusses.

      Be a mirror

      • Summary:
        • avoid the assumptions that blind neophyte negotiators
        • use Active Listening techniques like
          • Mirroring
          • Silences
          • the Late-Night FM DJ Voice
        • slow things down
        • make your counterpart feel safe enough to reveal themselves
        • discern between wants (aspirations) and needs (the bare minimum for a deal)
        • laser-focus on what the other party has to say

      Don't feel their pain, label it

      • Summary:
        • recognize your counterpart's perspective and then gain trust and understanding through Labeling–that is, by repeating that perspective back to them.
        • defuse negative dynamics by bringing them into the open.
        • disarm your counterpart's complaints about you by speaking them aloud in an Accusation Audit.

      Beware "Yes"--Master "No"

      • Summary:
        • make your counterpart feel understood and positively affirmed in a negotiation in order to create an atmosphere of unconditional positive regard.
        • strive for 'That's right' instead of 'Yes' at every stage of a negotiation
        • identify, rearticulate, and emotionally affirm your counterpart's worldview with Summaries and Paraphrasing.
          • I don't understand how the "Summaries and Paraphrasing" is different from the "Labeling" mentioned in the chapter 3 summary.

      Trigger the two words that immediately transform any negotiation

      • Summary:
        • it's vitally important to get to 'No' because 'No' starts the negotiation.
        • step out of your ego and negotiate in your counterpart's world, the only way to achieve an agreement the other side will implement.
        • engage your counterpart by acknowledging their right to choose
        • an email technique that ensures that you'll never be ignored again.

      Bend their reality

      • Summary:
        • there are a variety of tools for framing a negotiation in such a way that your counterpart will unconsciously accept the limits you place on the discussion.
        • navigate deadlines to create urgency.
        • employ the idea of fairness to nudge your counterpart.
        • anchor their emotions so that not accepting your offer feels like a loss.

      Create the illusion of control

      • Summary:
        • Use Calibrated Questions, queries that begin with 'How?' or 'What?'.
          • By eliminating 'Yes' and 'No' answers they force your counterpart to apply their mental energy to solving your problems.

      Guarantee execution

      • Summary:
        • employ these Calibrated Questions to guard against failures in the implementation phase.
        • nonverbal communication is important.
        • use 'How' questions to gently say 'No'.
        • get your counterparts to bid against themselves.
        • influence the deal killers when they're not at the table.

      Bargain hard

      • Summary:
        • How to prepare.
        • How to dodge an aggressive counterpart.
        • How to go on the offensive.
        • How to use the Ackerman system used by the FBI for setting and making offers.

      Find the black swan

      • Summary:
        • In every negotiation there are between three and five pieces of information ("Black Swans") that, were they to be uncovered, would change everything.
        • You'll learn how to recognize the markers that show the Black Swan's hidden nest.
        • You'll learn simple tools for employing Black Swans to gain leverage over your counterpart.